i hate not having any friends anymore
like, proper friends
cause now, with the very few people who i classed as my “friends” always put me at the bottom.
there’s always someone better, more interesting to speak to.
i’m never listened to. i’ll speak but i know they aren’t listening, not really, and i know this because as soon as something/someone better comes along, i’m cut off and thrown out of the picture. either that or i’m straight up ignored.
i always hold those who i class as my friends at the top of my priority list, cause i’ve learned a lot over the last couple of months about relationships and now there’s a lot of fine print to be in my life, to get my time and attention, and it sucks when you hold someone at your highest when they only place you in the middle or bottom.
so what’s the point? there’s always going to be someone better than me and i get that now.
but i’m not a very good person anyway. i’m rude, generally an arsehole and i hate it when i speak to new people cause i know it’s only a matter of weeks until they realise how much of a shit person i am and disregard me when i begin to view them highly.
i have no one. i really am alone now.